Sunday, August 30, 2009

Price Check Please!

"A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear, ‘PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for ‘THUMBTACKS.’ In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: ‘DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?’

Credit to:

Hi, How may I help you?

"A woman and her sister were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As they were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if they needed any help. The woman replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." The sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and she turned beet red and walked away."

Credit to:

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Hello Dick

Yesterday a guy I work with bent over to pick something up and he split a hole in the crotch of his pants. I didn't really know what to do for him being that we had no other pants for him to wear. So one of my co-workers gave him a name tag to safety pin his pant back together. I hope no customers noticed it being that his junk read "Richard" across it. Get it Richard? Dick for short.. Sorry I just get a kick out of that every time I think about it.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Brittany Spears at her Best!

These photos are the perfect reason Brittany should stay indoors.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Battery Operated Boyfriend

My most embarrassing situation happened a few years ago when I was in college. My roommate had gone away for the weekend and I was alone. One evening, after drinking a too much at a party I came back to my room and decided to play with myself. I locked my door, stripped naked, put on my earphones turned up the volume and went to it with a favorite vibrator! What I didn’t know was that my roommate thought I was also going to be gone for the weekend, and gave her key to a friend in case the friend “got lucky”. I was in the middle of my “work-out”, my headset blasting, my eyes squeezed shut, when the door opened and a girl and a guy walked in! They stood, frozen in shock while I lay there screwing myself on the bed. I didn’t hear or see them! After what could only have been a few seconds, something made me open my eyes! I almost had a heart attack! They mumbled an apology and ran out! I seriously considered a transfer.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

The Silly Games Kids Play.

When I was about 6yrs old my family and I were at a family friends house (townhouse) and us kids were driving the adults crazy I guess, so our parents told us to go "nigger knocking". They explained that you go up to the door knock and then run and hide. Well we go to our first house, knock on the door and we all run and hide in the bushes and behind cars. My sister on the other hand didn't listen and stood on the porch. I huge black man answers the door and says " What do you want"? My sister politely says "We are nigger knocking my mom and dad said it was ok". Thankfully the man had a sense of humor because my parent were just across the parking lot. The man laughs and then joins my parents for a beer... Boy my sister was so gullible.

"Nigger Knocking"

Is a childish prank in which someone knocks on someone's front door and then runs away and hides before the person can answer.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

I See London I See France!

My dad used to always mess with my nephew whenever he would run around the house in his underwear he would say "I see London I see France I see Justin's dirty underpants". My nephew was 3 so it was ok for him to be in his underwear inside the house. Well one day my dad had him out doing some shopping and he took him into a dressing room of a packed department store to try on some jeans and as soon as my dad pulled his jeans down to try on the new ones he seen the look on Justin's face and before he could say don't do it. Justin belted out " I SEE LONDON I SEE FRANCE I SEE PAPA'S DIRTY UNDERPANTS!" My dad just laughed in embarrassment, that he didn't even want to walk out of the dressing room.

The Funny Things Kids Say...

My husband and I took the kids out to breakfast just a few days before Christmas. I am a vegetarian and when ordering breakfast my husband asked if I was going to order breakfast with sausage so I could give it to kids (they love the stuff) and I said sure. My oldest son (4 yrs old) asked "Mommy is going to have sausage?"

My husband was trying to be funny said "no, but she wants Daddies sausage". My son of course had no clue and went about his way. A couple days later we are at the in-laws for Christmas morning breakfast, we start fixing our plates and my son announces.... "Mommy loves Daddies sausage".

Thank god they are all perverts like my husband.

Ski or Pee?

This past winter i went to a ski resort with my family. We got all geared up when I felt a slight urge to pee but decided to go down the hill before heading to the restroom. Unfortunately it proved to be a very bad decision since the lift got stuck for 30 minutes and the cold weather didn't help, by then I really had to pee. I made it to the top of the hill and successfully down the slope but by this time I had to pee so bad that I didn’t make it to the bathroom in time and I totally peed myself. Embarrassing as it was all ready my cousin who was with me couldn’t stop laughing. Needless to say that ended our skiing adventure for the day. We I had to walk back to the cabin, soaked with pee which wasn’t very comfortable when it’s freezing cold outside. Did I mention that I am 22 years old?

Saturday, August 8, 2009

5 People Who Should Have Stuck to Board Games

Cheerleader Gets Knocked Out - Watch more Funny Videos
Gives "heads up" a whole new meaning doesn't it?

Little Girl Owned by Soccer Ball - Watch more Funny Videos
Well think of it this way, the girl just got her first formal introduction to being tattooed.

Knockout By Exercise Machine - Watch more Funny Videos
Two words: Douche Bag!

Softball Hits Girl On Head - Watch more Funny Videos
The perfect time to have eyes on the back of your head.

Gymnastics Fail - Watch more Funny Videos
White men can't jump!

Friday, August 7, 2009

Let's Wear Thongs!

I'm planning a wedding and my fiancee and I are from California and always wear flip flops, so we decided that it would be fun if our entire wedding party wore flip flops. Well my mother in law was trying to explain that to a bunch of girls at her bible study saying "Everyone at their wedding is going to wear thongs, even the pastor!" She came home and called and told me that none of them thought it was a good idea. So I had to explain to her that flip flops go between your toes, thongs go between your butt cheeks. The next Sunday at church she had to explain what she meant to a bunch of 50-60 year old... She was so embarrassed!

Tyra Goes Crazy!

Tyra Banks Goes Insane - Watch more Funny Videos

Who would have thunk it? Vasline does wonders and makes you go crazy all at the same time!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Most Embarrassing Celebrity Photos

I know these are old but still fun to laugh at.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Beat by a Blow Job!

After work last week my boyfriend and I went out for a few drinks with a few of my co-workers. We got kicked out of one bar due to one of my co-workers being not old enough to drink, so we headed to another bar. We were having a good time catching a buzz when some random lady at the bar decided to move over next to us and offered to buy us a shot. By this time some of us have already had way too many, but we still took her up on it. My boss and I both ordered "blow jobs," the lady ordered a lemon drop and I don't remember what the guys ordered. Shot time! All of us ladies decided we were going to do our shots "hands free". My boss headed face first into the bar to grab her shot with her mouth, she tipped her head back to swallow the shot when suddenly she started to choke. The shot glass got stuck in her mouth and she was gagging, slobber running down her chin and every bit of the blow job on her shirt. She was gagging so bad that at this point she pissed her pants! Not only did she pee her pants there was piss all over the bar stool. It was so embarrassing she had to stand up and mop up the pee on the stool and walk out of the bar with pissy pants. She got a pair of jeans out of her trunk and came back in to party! Now that is brave.