Sunday, August 30, 2009

Price Check Please!

"A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear, ‘PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for ‘THUMBTACKS.’ In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: ‘DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?’

Credit to:

Hi, How may I help you?

"A woman and her sister were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As they were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if they needed any help. The woman replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." The sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and she turned beet red and walked away."

Credit to:

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Hello Dick

Yesterday a guy I work with bent over to pick something up and he split a hole in the crotch of his pants. I didn't really know what to do for him being that we had no other pants for him to wear. So one of my co-workers gave him a name tag to safety pin his pant back together. I hope no customers noticed it being that his junk read "Richard" across it. Get it Richard? Dick for short.. Sorry I just get a kick out of that every time I think about it.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Brittany Spears at her Best!

These photos are the perfect reason Brittany should stay indoors.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Battery Operated Boyfriend

My most embarrassing situation happened a few years ago when I was in college. My roommate had gone away for the weekend and I was alone. One evening, after drinking a too much at a party I came back to my room and decided to play with myself. I locked my door, stripped naked, put on my earphones turned up the volume and went to it with a favorite vibrator! What I didn’t know was that my roommate thought I was also going to be gone for the weekend, and gave her key to a friend in case the friend “got lucky”. I was in the middle of my “work-out”, my headset blasting, my eyes squeezed shut, when the door opened and a girl and a guy walked in! They stood, frozen in shock while I lay there screwing myself on the bed. I didn’t hear or see them! After what could only have been a few seconds, something made me open my eyes! I almost had a heart attack! They mumbled an apology and ran out! I seriously considered a transfer.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

The Silly Games Kids Play.

When I was about 6yrs old my family and I were at a family friends house (townhouse) and us kids were driving the adults crazy I guess, so our parents told us to go "nigger knocking". They explained that you go up to the door knock and then run and hide. Well we go to our first house, knock on the door and we all run and hide in the bushes and behind cars. My sister on the other hand didn't listen and stood on the porch. I huge black man answers the door and says " What do you want"? My sister politely says "We are nigger knocking my mom and dad said it was ok". Thankfully the man had a sense of humor because my parent were just across the parking lot. The man laughs and then joins my parents for a beer... Boy my sister was so gullible.

"Nigger Knocking"

Is a childish prank in which someone knocks on someone's front door and then runs away and hides before the person can answer.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

I See London I See France!

My dad used to always mess with my nephew whenever he would run around the house in his underwear he would say "I see London I see France I see Justin's dirty underpants". My nephew was 3 so it was ok for him to be in his underwear inside the house. Well one day my dad had him out doing some shopping and he took him into a dressing room of a packed department store to try on some jeans and as soon as my dad pulled his jeans down to try on the new ones he seen the look on Justin's face and before he could say don't do it. Justin belted out " I SEE LONDON I SEE FRANCE I SEE PAPA'S DIRTY UNDERPANTS!" My dad just laughed in embarrassment, that he didn't even want to walk out of the dressing room.