Sunday, May 24, 2009

Never Fear the Sock is Near

Back when I was about 16 one of the things my friends and I did on a regular basis was go to the local Taco Bell to hang out and have a bite to eat. Well, on this particular day nature reared its ugly head -- as it so often does at the most inopportune times -- and I had to squeeze a loaf.

Now if you've ever done your business in a public bathroom you know how nasty they can be, but considering I had a groundhog poking through my pants I had to go -- and right then and there.

So I sat down and did my business, but it wasn't until I needed to smooth things out that I noticed some comedian thought it would be funny to piss all over the toilet paper. No wipey with that. I looked around an of course there wasn't another roll to be seen, and there was no way I was going to walk around with butt paste between my cheeks. Hey, we're talking about a Taco Bell bomb here.

So what to do? I had to get it done, but there wasn't even paper towel in the holder, so that was out as well. As I looked around the room, wondering just how the hell I was going to get out of this situation without yelling for help, my eyes fell upon my socks. Soft, absorbent; works for me.

Yes, I wiped my ass with my sock. I had to! There was no other way. It was either that or walk home bow-legged.

Now top that.

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